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Seeking Southern Charm: Why I Left Pennsylvania With No Books, No Plan, and No Winter Left in Me

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Sunday, August 16, 2026

The Happiness Hijacker at Yoga Class Or: How I Learned to Spot Moral Capture in Downward Dog

It’s ironic (but not really, it’s the way my life unfolds) that I came South to avoid politics for awhile and yet, found myself right back in the fray at...of all things...my Yoga class!

Some lovely women invited me to coffee after my first class. I explained why I was in Fairhope, what my book Sorry Bob! was about. That I was turning away from divisive politics and searching for more unity, more common ground, more common sense.  They were sympathetic and eagerly shared the name of a Substack spiritual writer: Cameron Trimble. Someone non-partisan, they said. Someone who talks about healing and unity and the spiritual work of seeing each other clearly “Just what you’re looking for!” 

I gave it a real shot. I wanted to like it. I wanted to believe there was a voice out there that genuinely transcended the noise.

Instead, I found the clearest example yet of something I've been writing about in my book. She is a Spiritual Happiness Hijacker. One of the worst kind, a “hidden” hijacker.  She wears the cloak of "I'm here to help you heal" while actually doing the opposite: gently, warmly, spiritually prodding you toward her political beliefs — and hiding the whole operation under moral capture. I’ve included her essay below mine, as well as a link to her work so you can read it and make your own conclusion. 

What I was promised:

A spiritual teacher. Someone above the fray. Someone who would help me see my own blind spots, my own capacity for contempt, my own log.

What I got:

A political sermon wearing a meditation shawl.

The signs:

I've learned to recognize the pattern now. It's not subtle once you know what you're looking at. But here's the thing that makes it dangerous: when we're searching for ideas that confirm what we already believe, we discount the warning signs. We want the teacher to be real, so we ignore the tells.

Here's what I look for now:

The universal opening. She starts with something no decent person could disagree with. We shouldn't dehumanize each other. Labels are spells. Grief is real. Everyone nods. Including me.

The pivot. Then comes the hinge — usually a single sentence, easy to miss if you're already nodding. "Of course, the threats are not equal." That's the moment the sermon stops being about all of us and starts being about them. The universal principle just got a carve-out, and the carve-out always benefits the person speaking.

The one-sided diagnosis. From here on, one side gets understood, humanized, given the benefit of the doubt. The other side (the Right) gets diagnosed. The “Rights” grief is "understandable but rooted in exclusion." The Right’s fears are "misplaced." And just like that, she is doing in her essay what she claimed we should stop doing. The right are not people anymore. They're a problem to be managed.

Then we have the absent mirror. This is the biggest tell. In thousands of words about dehumanization, the author never once asks what log is in her own eye. Never once says "here's how I dehumanize my enemies." Never admits to a single thing that costs her. She is always the one who sees clearly, never the one who is seen.

The loaded questions. Same trick my daughters fourth-grade teacher used when trying to coax my daughter into politics and into the democrat party: "Do you think we should protect the vulnerable?" Yes, obviously. "Then you agree with my politics." No — I agreed with basic decency. You just stuffed your platform inside it and handed it back to me like I ordered it.

The hypocrisy:

Here's where it gets almost funny. The entire piece is an argument against dehumanization — and it is, itself, an act of dehumanization.

She tells us not to turn people into categories. Then she spends the essay sorting her opponents into categories.

She tells us to notice the spell of political labels. Then she casts the spell — just with her own labels.

She tells us to ask what fear or grief drives someone to a position we hate. Then she asks that question about her own side, and only about her own side.

She quotes Jesus on the log in the eye. Then she spends three thousand words removing specks from eyes she has never met, while insisting her own vision is already clear.

The piece doesn't fail at its stated goal. It is the thing it warns against. It just does it with better lighting and a softer voice.

Why we fall for it:

This is the part I keep coming back to, because it's the part I'm still working on myself.

We fall for the happiness hijacker because often times, we want to. We want a teacher who tells us we're basically good and the problem is out there. We want our anger blessed. We want our contempt called courage. We want to feel like we're doing spiritual work without having to do the actual work — which is looking at ourselves.

The spiritual happiness hijacker offers that. She offers reassurance dressed as challenge. She makes you feel like you're growing while you're really just being recruited.

What a real teacher would have written:

A real teacher, someone actually doing the work of seeing clearly, would have asked herself the hard questions first.

How do I dehumanize the people whose politics scare me?

What label do I reach for when I want to stop listening?

What would it cost me to admit that some of my opponents are grieving something real?

Where is my log?

She didn't. She couldn't. Because a real answer to any of those questions would have ruined the sermon.

The takeaway:

I'm not saying Rev. Trimble is a bad person. I don't know her. I'm saying she's doing a thing — and that thing is everywhere, in yoga studios and pulpits and wellness newsletters and think pieces, all of it wearing the same gentle, wise, "I'm just here to help" face.

Learn to see it. Not so you can dismiss everyone who disagrees with you. So you can tell the difference between someone who wants to help you think and someone who wants to help you agree.

The first one will make you uncomfortable. The second one will make you feel wonderful.

That's how you know.

Below is Rev. Trimbles essay that I wanted to love but quickly spotted the patterns of cloaked divisiveness. 

https://substack.com/@camerontrimble

The Spell of the Enemy

A Meditation by Rev. Cameron Trimble

Rev. Cameron Trimble

Aug 04, 2026

“Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye but do not notice the log in your own eye?” —Matthew 7:3 (NRSVUE)

We are living in a time of frightening words: Fascist. Communist. Socialist. Traitor. Marxist. Nazi.

Some of these words refer to real political ideas. Sometimes, they help us see real threats. The current administration has often pushed the limits of presidential power, challenged democratic institutions, and treated vulnerable people as if they do not matter. We need words that are honest about this. If we avoid calling out authoritarianism, it does not make us kinder. It just makes it easier for others to control us through fear.

But when these words show up in our political debates, they stop describing actions and start defining people completely.

“He is a fascist.”

“She is a communist.”

“They are destroying America.”

After we use these labels, we stop listening. We stop asking what fear, loss, or hope led someone here. By calling them the enemy, we feel allowed to ignore them.

The accusation becomes a kind of spell.

When this happens, we start to see our political opponents as less than human. Everything they do seems to prove what we already think about them. Every election feels like the last chance to save the country. Every compromise feels like giving up. Every loss feels like proof that the system is rigged. We stop being curious, because being curious feels risky. This is how a society becomes trapped inside its own fear.

I want to be careful here. The threats are not equal. The Trump administration holds the enormous power of the federal government and has used that power in ways that threaten democratic institutions and place already vulnerable people in greater danger. The growing democratic socialist movement does not possess comparable power, nor does it pose the same threat. Its calls for health care, housing, worker protections, and a more equitable distribution of wealth emerge from real suffering in a country where millions of people work hard and still cannot afford to live.

Being honest about right and wrong means we have to see that difference. It also means noticing how easily we all fall into the habit of turning others into enemies.

If you listen closely to the accusations, you can hear sadness underneath. Factories have closed. Family farms are gone. Small towns have emptied out. Wages have not kept up with the cost of living. Parents who hoped their children would have better lives now see them struggle to pay for rent, health care, or school. The promise at the heart of the American story, that each generation would do better than the last, has been broken. People feel the breaking, even when they do not have words for it.

Some people who support MAGA are mourning the loss of a world where white Christian identity shaped public life. That world gave some people a sense of belonging and meaning, but it did so by leaving others out. For those who grew up believing this was normal and right, its end can feel unsettling.

Many people on the democratic left feel a different kind of grief. They mourn the promise of a multiracial democracy that has not been fulfilled. They are upset by the huge gap between the very rich and those who have to choose between medicine and food. They grieve for lives hurt by racism, unfair work, environmental harm, and being ignored by politics.

These kinds of grief are not the same, but they are both real. When we cannot talk honestly about our grief, we often look for someone to blame.

That might be where we are today. We face losses that are too big and complex to handle, so we turn them into enemies we think we can fight.

We blame immigrants for struggling towns. We blame billionaires for a broken economy. We call MAGA voters monsters and socialists thieves. We take problems that have built up over generations and put a face on them so we have someone to hate. When we are scared, hating someone can feel powerful.

But hate can also stop us from seeing a deeper truth: many of our problems cannot be fixed just by beating one political group. This country was built on stolen land, enslaved labor, cheap energy, and the idea that growth could go on forever, even though the planet has limits. Both major parties have relied on this system. Both have promised that, with better leaders and policies, things can keep going as they are.

But now, the system is destroying the things we need to live. Our soil is worn out. The climate is changing in dangerous ways. Our communities are tired. Money keeps going to the top, while loneliness, sickness, and sadness spread. No old label can really describe the world we are living in now.

Maybe that is why we are so afraid. We do not know what will happen next. So we turn to old enemies and old stories: fascism versus communism, freedom versus tyranny, real Americans versus those who want to destroy America. Using these old words makes the world feel understandable again. It tells us who we are and who we should fight.

Jesus once asked why we see the small fault in someone else but ignore the big fault in ourselves. He was not saying we should ignore what is wrong. He wanted us to see how judging others can keep us from looking at ourselves.

What is the log in our collective eye? Maybe it is our wish to see ourselves as innocent. We want to believe that only the other side is cruel. We want our own fear to look like virtue, our contempt to look like courage, and our desire for power to look like justice. We hope that if our side wins big enough, we will finally be safe.

But no political victory can heal grief we refuse to grieve. We need to do more than just be polite. We must call out authoritarianism when we see it. We must stand against policies that cause harm. We must protect people who are targeted by the government. We must speak honestly about unfairness and racism.

As we do this, we also need to protect our own humanity. We should not let ourselves enjoy putting the worst label on someone else. We need to be curious about what pain lies behind anger, even our own. We must learn to grieve what is lost without blaming others for it.

This week, pay attention to the words you use for people whose politics scare or upset you. Ask yourself what the word shows, what it hides, and what it lets you ignore.

Then try to speak more precisely. Name the action. Name the harm. Name the history. Protect the person in danger. Oppose what must be opposed…

But do not let yourself be taken over by hatred for the enemy.

We are in this together,

Cameron


Sunday, August 9, 2026

Places Like Fairhope Alabama Could Put Pharmaceutical Companies Out of Business!

 


Good Morning from Fairhope, Alabama!

Well, this is my second to last Sunday here in Fairhope. I'm already sad to be leaving. But, a bit surprisingly, I'll be happy to return home. Not to Pennsylvania, per se, but to see my family. And also to be home, where every object has its designated place, meaning my brain has more space to allow room for writing.

One lesson I've learned on this 7 week journey…my brain still works! Mostly. Traveling days — going to unknown places, unpacking for a week, sightseeing, trying to write, chatting to strangers, parallel parking (of which I'm horrible at, but oddly, have gotten pretty good at down South), having anxiety whenever I have to use a roundabout (also, have gotten pretty good at down here), repacking only to do it all over again…causes my brain to feel like a circuit breaker tripped from overload, leaving me dang well exhausted.

Since landing in town in Fairhope, not a morning walk goes by without meeting people who are only happy to offer advice on things to do, places to eat, and events to attend.

I've met Chad and Amy, Jim Waters and Gus, and Dr. Izzy.

I stopped off at the Tiki Bar at the American Legion so I could watch the sunset from their beach, and I was going to put my Diet Coke on my credit card, when a lady behind me told the bartender to put it on her tab. I believe her name was Courtney, but I may be wrong (like I said, my brain is crowded right now!) but I do know she is a great karaoke singer, as is the bartender at the tiki bar, because they were lauding each other's excellent singing chops.

And then, of course, the awesome women (and men!) from the yoga studio immediately invited me out for coffee and gave me more advice: "Get a massage from Kristen Kelly at the Lotus" (and so I did, and it was the most relaxed I've been since…I can't remember!).

I also think I've lost about 10 pounds with all the walking (and let's be honest, sweating (or, as they call it in the South, glistening!)) and all the clothes I brought with me are baggy and far too roomy.


Oh, I also met Chris. It's his 77th birthday today! I was taking photos of the lovely yellow flowers decorating his mailbox, and he came out to talk to me. Which led to an invite to sit on his porch, where he told me all about the Jubilee here in Fairhope (more on that later!) and how he became a respiratory therapist, and how his company sent him to Fairhope (he had requested Alaska!) but he's so glad it worked out the way it did, since Fairhope is…well, Fairhope!

And that's the thing about Fairhope. I go out for a walk, and it becomes a Dr. Seuss book, "Oh The People You Meet!"

I suppose if more places were like Fairhope, the pharmaceutical companies would be out of business. My sleep is better. My mental health hasn't felt this good since…honestly can't remember! It's community. It's nature. It's exercise. It's the pelicans. It's the flowers. It's the kindness. It's the bay and the beach. It's the jumping fish (mullets).

I'm so sad to be leaving, but I'll be taking the lessons about small town living with me. If I can't be in Fairhope, I can bring the spirit of Fairhope with me wherever I go.



Friday, July 31, 2026

The Truth About Belonging


We say we love truth tellers. We don't. Not really.

We love the movie version — the whistleblower who wins in the end, vindicated, applauded, everyone suddenly pretending they were on her side all along. But the real truth tellers? The ones who spoke up and lost friends, lost jobs, lost their place at the table? We look away. Not because we don’t believe them, but because the media or the people who are “in charge” do not want the real truth out there. The truth tellers are painted as difficult. A little crazy. A tinge unhinged.  

I know this story. I've been living it since I was a freshman in a very small Midwestern Catholic school. My best friend was having an affair with a teacher — a married man with children, a family friend of their family. When her parents found the letters, they came to me. They already knew. They just needed me to say it out loud. So I did. They cried. I cried. 

Mr. Zick was made to resign. Quietly. He moved not too far away and became a basketball coach and teacher at another school. No charges. No consequences. Just a fresh start down the road. I told the truth and the whole institution turned on me. Not so much my best friend, because she did not squeal on him, I did. Students were mad at me. The gym teacher/football coach was mad at me, and even called me into his office to tell me that she wasn’t his first affair and named girls I knew who had graduated. 

The lesson was clear: belonging has a price, and the price is silence. 

And here's the thing…I want to belong. Most of us do. Belonging isn't weakness. It's human. It's wired into us from the days when being cast out of the tribe meant you didn't survive. We want to be liked. We want to fit in. We want someone to save us a seat.

But what happens when fitting in means shutting up? When belonging has a price tag and the price is your silence?

I've wrestled with that my whole life. The truth-teller part of me — the part I think I was just born with — keeps opening my mouth. And the belonging part of me tells me to be silent. 

Up North — and I say this having lived in Bucks County, Pennsylvania since the 1900’s (haha, late 1900’s) — people want to figure you out immediately. What's your politics? What's your stance? Which team are you on? They sniff around for your tribal affiliation before they decide whether to let you in. It's exhausting. It's cold. If you don’t check this box, and this box, and the people claiming to be the most tolerant were the least.

Then I came on this seeking Southern Charm book tour. 

Down here, something different happens. People have manners. They take pride in themselves — not in a fussy way, but in a "I'm going to change out of my pajamas into real clothes before I  leave the house" way. They look you in the eye. They smile. They say hello. They ask how you’re day is going, and they wait for an answer. 

And they don't lead with politics. They don't open with ideology. The old adage still holds in the places


I've visited — you don't talk politics, sex, or religion at the dinner table. Not because people don't have opinions. Because hospitality comes first. Because making someone feel welcome matters more than winning an argument.

Sure, they might ask what church you go to. But as it was explained to me by a gentleman in the Book Cellar in Fairhope (which is a little bar attached to the Page and Palette bookstore) it's not about judging you. It's about making you comfortable. It's about saying, "If church is your thing, here's a good one nearby. We want you to feel at home."

And if you say your church is the moon and the stars, the Pelicans and the sea or if you say you're still figuring it out? They don't flinch. They don't recoil. They open their arms anyway.

That's the difference. That's what my life in Pennsylvania didn't give me and one month in visiting the South did. 

On history tours in Charleston and Beaufort, I was reminded of the history I’d learned but have forgotten…especially in the divisiveness of modern day; the Founders who signed the Declaration of Independence— they lost everything. Their wealth. Their friends. Their safety. They weren't celebrated. They were called traitors. And they signed anyway.

Aristotle said virtue isn't a single brave moment. It's a habit. A lifelong practice. It's never easy. No journey worth taking ever is.


But here's what I'm learning, slowly, in the southern heat and humidity and beauty of Fairhope, Alabama; maybe you don't have to choose between telling the truth and belonging. Maybe you just haven't found your people yet. Maybe they're down here, on a porch somewhere, saving you a seat. Not asking you to be quiet. Not demanding you pick a team. Just glad you showed up.

I'm still on the road. Still telling the truth. Still figuring out where I belong. But for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like I have to apologize for either one.

Yours from the porch,  

Birdie Jane Lane